Pubic Access Television

This much seems certain by now. There’s nothing worth watching on public access TV. If it’s not vacuous, it’s vulgar. But no one, of course, has to watch. What you can’t escape, however, is the public controversy over the “White Chocolate” pubic access show. Besides cultural flotsam, it also promotes political opportunism and constitutional con artists.

But amid the dissonant dialogue there emerged a voice of reason and candor. It belonged to Louise Thompson, president of the board of directors of Speak Up Tampa Bay, the non-profit group that manages the Tampa Bay Community Network.

“Public access is only a reflection of this community,” she opined. Ouch.

Bright Futures dimmed?

Now that the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test determines whether a high school student can graduate, we have the issue of seniors-to-be who have yet to pass it. A lot of them. For example, a quarter of the class of 2003 at Wharton High School is yet to pass.

Moreover, some of them are Bright Futures scholars.

There’s a lot not to like about the FCATs and no lack of understandable backlash. But when Bright Futures “scholars” can’t pass the 10th grade reading-and-math FCAT, the fault may not be the FCAT’s.

Cheers to Church

Not only does Hyde Park United Methodist Church on West Platt Street have a sense of parishioner priority and community commitment, it also has a sense of irony — and humor. The church recently purchased the nearby Magnolia Tavern and Sports Bar. When renovated, it’s likely to be used for Sunday School classes, Boy Scout meetings and — Alcoholics Anonymous gatherings.

A large banner on the side of the erstwhile gin mill says it all: “Now Under New Ownership.”

Free Advice to Diocese: Obey 8th Commandment

The Diocese of St. Petersburg seems mad as, well, hell — and it’s not going to take it any more. Bad publicity that is.

That’s what accusations of sexual abuse, financial improprieties and victim payoffs have wrought these past tumultuous months. It’s beyond the point of frustrated parishioners and church leaders writing letters to the editor and turning off their TV sets. It’s apparently beyond pulpit power, letters to the laity, a church newspaper and “Spirit FM” Catholic radio.

It’s time to bring in a crisis management expert — someone with a spin doctorate.

Enter Bob Carter, a St. Petersburg public relations expert. His credentials include helping advise the Devil Rays on image-building. Carter has been retained by diocesan general counsel Joseph DiVito, who treats the subject of Carter’s fee as if it had been negotiated in confession. He won’t discuss it or even if the money comes from, say, Catholics. DiVito said it wasn’t a “dollar-for-dollar wash-through.”

Oh.

Presumably Carter didn’t advise DiVito on that response. Perhaps he will have more success suggesting the Rays unload Wilson Alvarez, Greg Vaughn, Vince Naimoli, Chuck LaMar and Tropicana Field.

Anyhow, here’s a suggestion. For free.

Return to basics. Don’t be cute, evasive, arrogant and loopholier than thou. Tell the truth. Directly. About who did what to whom and what, if anything, happened as a result. About the exact dollar value and nature of no-bid construction contracts. About why the diocese would pay $100,000 to a former spokesman who looked good in a Speedo bathing suit and said he had been sexually harassed by Bishop Robert Lynch.

Remember the 8th Commandment? Not bearing false witness; telling the truth. It still applies.

New Economy, Palm Trees and Alzheimer’s Intrusion

E mbrace and Apply: Florida is neither muddle nor model when it comes to landing “new economy” jobs, says a Washington, D.C. think-tank economist.

The Progressive Policy Institute’s Robert Atkinson, who was in town recently to address a gathering of business and civic leaders, authored a study that ranked Florida 18th in ability to compete for those high-paying, “new economy” jobs. Two years ago, it was 16th. Florida’s worst showing was in percentage of civilian scientists and engineers in the work force (49th) and the percentage of manufacturers with Internet access (40th). The state also ranked 37th in the percentage of adults with Internet access at home or at work. AT WORK.

Atkinson emphasized that “new economy” transcended the recruitment of, say, software and other high-tech enterprises. It has more to do with application. He said successful old economy businesses — such as manufacturers across a broad spectrum of products — can succeed or fail on the basis of “embracing” technology. Apply it, underscored Atkinson, don’t just recruit it.

Ethically challenged: Almost assuredly, the St. Petersburg Times has published another potential award-winner: “Alone Together” — “A Year in the Life of an Alzheimer’s Support Group.” It was nearly two years in the making.

It’s moving and undoubtedly helpful to those unfamiliar with such groups — but in likely need of one. It’s well chronicled, well written and, well, pictorially graphic. As in invasive. As in poor taste. As in ethically challenged.

Perhaps the most depressing aspect of Alzheimer’s is the undermining of a patient’s dignity. Where once was an individual, there is now a tragically sad shell. Ultimately unable to relate. Unable to do for themselves. Unable to give permission to have their picture taken being diapered. Being dead.

Not to worry. Ask enough caregivers, and you’ll find some who will give permission. For anything. It’s akin to signing off for a minor.

But human dignity is no minor matter.

Out on a limb of illogic: Ybor City’s Barrio Latino is palm treed out.

Tampa’s historic Latin Quarter arguably has too many bars and under-age drinkers and more than enough places to get a tattoo and a body part pierced. There’s nothing the Barrio can do about that.

And there are plans for a big building that looks incongruously like a boat. The Barrio did too little about that.

But palm trees on the west side of 15th Street where a new sidewalk is going in? The Barrio is on the case and has drawn a line in the pavement. They turned down the request of the Ybor City Development Corp. to spruce up the street with palms. Not traditional enough, sniffed the Barrio. Try elms.

Explained Barrio Chairman Ken Ferlita: “If we approve (palms) on this block

Bush-Giuliani: Is That The Ticket?

As if he needed it, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush scored big recently with the re-election backing of Rudy Giuliani. The former New York City mayor and Bush appeared together at the Florida Professional Firefighters convention in Altamonte Springs and later at a $1,000-per-person GOP fundraiser in Orlando.

At the convention Bush basked in the reflected superstar status of Giuliani and picked up the endorsement of the Florida Professional Firefighters union. He also landed a boffo future TV spot; the Bush campaign had a camera crew in tow for the twosome.

But for all those either savoring or cringing over the joined-hands Bush-Giuliani wirephoto, here’s more to reflect upon. Jeb obviously isn’t the only Bush to have Giuliani’s blessing.

Superimpose George W. for Jeb and you may have the presidential ticket for 2004. Not only does the GOP obviously want to pull out all stops for the re-election of President Bush, but it wants to be positioned in 2008 to hold on to the White House.

Vice President Dick Cheney has a pacemaker and no charisma. He’s also from Wyoming, a state sans electoral clout. He won’t be the GOP standard-bearer in ’08 under any scenario. So why not a Bush-Giuliani ticket in ’04?

R(est) I(n) P(rofit) Obit

R IP: No disrespect intended, but the appropriately lengthy obit of H.K. Wallace, the self-made millionaire co-founder of Lazydays RV SuperCenter, read like an infomercial.

That Lazydays is the world’s largest RV dealership was mentioned more than once. Also prominently noted were sales figures — more than $600 million per year in recreational vehicles. Even RV bragging rights for being “the number one distributor for each of the manufactures it represents” were included.

Film List Fit For A King (Kong)

Yes, it’s another one of those American Film Institute’s lists of “greatest movies” sure to prompt reveries of nostalgia and fits of disagreement. In the case of “the 100 greatest love stories of all time,” there is, of course, plenty of both.

I mean who can quibble with “Casablanca” topping the list? Rick and Ilsa now have more than Paris. The screen epic “Gone With The Wind,” second to nearly none, seems properly placed. From third, “West Side Story,” on up it gets appropriately debatable. Should (7) “Doctor Zhivago” come before or after (12) “My Fair Lady,” for example?

But “King Kong” at 23? Even if it is the original (1933). Even though Faye Ray was a vulnerable babe. C’mon.

Ahead of (41) “Funny Girl,” (50) Shakespeare in Love,” (52) “The Graduate,” (56) “The English Patient” and (61) “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”? And barely behind (20) “From Here To Eternity” and (22) “On Golden Pond,” which are incongruously sandwiched between (21) “Pretty Woman.”

I mean if you’re that enamored of the hackneyed beauty-and-the-beast theme, there’s always, well, (34) “Beauty and the Beast.”

Will Times Cave In To NAACP Demand?

So that megaphone for diversity, the St. Petersburg Times , has been called out by the NAACP. Someone finally noticed that there are more whites on the NAACP’s board of directors than there are blacks on the Times’. Actually there are no blacks at all on the Times’ board, and Andy Barnes, Times chairman and CEO, seems properly defensive.

Barnes, who selects the members of the board for Times Publishing Co., told Darryl Rouson, president of the St. Petersburg branch of the NAACP, that filling executive positions in the company with African-Americans is one of his highest priorities. “No one feels more frustrated about this than I,” said Barnes as quoted in a Times’ account.

Barnes, according to the Times, also told Rouson that he will work hard before he retires in 2004 to appoint an African-American to the board.

Still left unaddressed: a diversity-driven timetable for appointing a white, male conservative.

Pay-Per-Viewers Subsidize Sleaze and Get An Eyeful

It’s now official. America’s most prominent celebrity-rapist, Mike Tyson, was part of the highest-grossing pay-per-view event in history. Joint venture partners HBO and Showtime grossed $103 million on 8.1 million buys.

Once again, the pithy platitude of P.T. Barnum rings too true.

Sure, those 8 million buys represent a lot of suckers who weren’t about to distinguish a fight from a farce. Suckers who didn’t care or notice that Tyson was a shot fighter, an erstwhile bully turned flailing heavy bag. And that Lennox Lewis was bigger, better and — by default — brighter. But then, boxing has always had its cannon-fodder followers.

Unfortunately, those 8 million buys also represent millions of enablers. They made possible the American Scheme and likely some sleazy sequels. Tyson is nothing if not nasty, vulgar, menacing, conniving and criminal, with or without his meds. Combine this with eroded skills and a string of hateful, obscenity-laced press conferences and interviews and the result is an 8-figure payday, which may or may not be enough to get him out of debt.

Although Tyson was fighting for a championship belt, he should have been fitted for a societal straitjacket.

For all those pay-per-view voyeurs who made it happen: Thanks for subsidizing and perpetuating all that’s wrong in society and in human nature.

And to P.T. Barnum: apologies. Not even you could have envisioned this.