Category: Sardonic Side

The frustrating waitcontinues over at Busch Gardensfor the grand opening of the highly publicized Falcon’s Fury. Officials now say “later this summer” for the debut of the tallest, freestanding drop tower ride in North America that was originally scheduled to open May 1.

Here’s hoping Busch Gardens gets its $5 million Falcon’s Fury ride going before too much of the busy summer season goes by as competitors market their new attractions.

That’s not, however, to say that I’ll be among those sampling Falcon’s Fury when it does become operational. It sounds too much like it belongs on my “Don’t Get It” list, right there with Adam Sandler movies, “Duck Dynasty” and rap performance. To wit: When riders reach the top of the 335-foot tower, their seats tilt forward 90 degrees and they proceed to plummet face down at up to 60 mph.

It doesn’t, frankly, sound so much like an “Amusement Park” ride, but as the interrogation step preceding waterboarding.

*Jeff Vinik recently put a halt to the rumors and made it official: He and his partners filed a rezoning application with the city to build a 400-room hotel on that prime property just west of the Tampa Bay Times Forum. Of course, the other rumors remain rife. What will he do with those 23 acres of nearby land he controls? How will he play it on Channelside Bay Plaza? And when will he buy ConAgra?

*Last week’s gathering in New Orleans for the Republican Leadership Conference spoke volumes about the GOP, a party that is inclusion-challenged as it struggles to win national elections. Being perceived as the older, whiter party is increasingly problematic for Republicans. Indeed, Democrats have won the popular vote in five of the last six presidential elections.

“We have a tale of two parties,” acknowledged Reince Priebus, the GOP National Committee chairman. “We have a midterm party that doesn’t lose, and we have a presidential party that’s having a hard time winning.” Allowing for some midterm hyperbole, he made his point. The GOP has a big, well-chronicled problem with blatantly skewed demographics and inevitable, image fallout.

But Priebus blunted that point when he shared the opening-night conference stage with reality television star Phil Robertson, the “Duck Dynasty” patriarch. Say what? How does this help the GOP with a big-tent approach to national campaigns?

“Two points,” explained Priebus at a follow-up press conference. “First of all, we don’t ever want to take our base for granted. We value the ‘Deliverance’ vote.

“Second, we think Robertson needs a bigger forum,” added Priebus. “He’s more than just a conservative, God-fearing cultural icon. We think he could actually help on a 2016 ticket.

“I’m serious here,” underscored Priebus. “Just because my name sounds like a foreign hybrid and I look like Forrest Gump doesn’t mean my message lacks credibility. We could conceivably double down, for example, with a Cruz-Robertson ticket or play up balance with, say, a Bush-Robertson ticket. Phil gives us flexibility, but he needs more exposure. That’s why we talked him into addressing the opening session of our national conference. We really lucked out.”

Among the topics that Gov. Scott addressed in his Tampa appearance last weekend were his humble beginnings. It’s the theme of a political ad, and we’ll be increasingly seeing this approach as the campaign moves along.

“I didn’t always have this aura of accomplishment and confidence,” Scott told the fundraising dinner. “My folks didn’t have much. We were a poor black family living in public housing. My given name is actually Dred Richard Scott.

“But this is America. Anything can happen. Fortunately, everything’s for sale. Just prepare well for your depositions.”

When was the last time cheerleaders led cheers? They’re not cheerleaders; they’re cheer providers.

If you’re wondering how it looks for the Greenlight Pinellas transit plan that’s going to the voters in November, you’d still be wondering after having seen the latest polls. The Friends of Greenlight political committee recently told the St. Petersburg Area Chamber of Commerce, among others, that support for Greenlight was at 58 percent. This was countered by a recent StPetePolls survey that found that only 41 percent of registered voters were willing to pay more in taxes to fund better transit.

Which is it? Both.

As with most polls, even the brand-name ones, it’s too easy to steer responses and further an agenda with survey variables. It’s too easy to push poll. The general public needs to know specifics on the sampling demographic, whether calls were via land line or mobile phones, what questions were asked and who did the asking.

Both The Friends of Greenlight and StPetePolls provided sample examples:

FOG Question: Do you prefer the status quo of gridlock to meaningful mass transit alternatives?

FOG Question: Would you prefer a mass-transit alternative to adding to pollution and wasting gas and patience idling in traffic?

SPP Question: Are residents of this county paying too little in taxes?

SPP Question: Would you mind paying even higher taxes just so some folks could ride a train that will never pay for itself?

The Florida Sheriff’s Association is ratcheting up its effort to fight the legalization of medical marijuana. The association is now drawing in substance-abuse awareness and anti-drug groups to participate in its “Don’t Let Florida Go To Pot” campaign aimed at defeating the medical marijuana referendum in November. The FSA has emailed all 67 sheriffs across the state for their support of a resolution opposing Amendment 2.

“Of the 67 sheriffs, 63 cast their vote to support the resolution,” said Steve Casey, executive director of the FSA, “and four abstained from voting on the issue.

“We think those other four will come around,” stressed Casey. “We need to remind them that marijuana is a Schedule I drug under the Controlled Substances Act. It’s one of the big four: heroin, LSD, meth and marijuana. They were all societal threats in 1970 when President Nixon signed the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act, and nothing has changed. These abstaining sheriffs need to see Reefer Madness. I think it’s available through Netflix.

“I’ll even add an analogy that we can all agree on,” added Casey. “One of the reasons we don’t have normal trade and travel relations with Cuba is because it’s a terrorist state. Look it up. It’s one of the State Department’s big four: Syria, Iran, Sudan and Cuba. Same thing. You don’t normalize or legalize threats.”

* Not that we needed further confirmation of inexplicably skewed priorities. Imagine, North Korea makes international news the last fortnight–but it wasn’t for transcending its bitterly divisive politics with South Korea to help out with SK’s ferry boat disaster. No, it was because it took diplomatic umbrage at a London barber shop’s “provocation” in the form of a poster depicting North Korean leader Kim Jong Un and the words: “Bad Hair Day?”

“It was a matter of national pride,” explained North Korean ad hoc Protocol Chief Rodman Dennis Un. “You can call us out for making missiles more of a priority than meals for the people. We get that all the time. But making fun of Lil’ Kim? We’ll be in your face on that one.”

The vote was unexpectedly close, but the Florida Senate has passed legislation that would give local school districts control over the textbooks they use. The bill’s sponsor, Sen. Alan Hays, R-Umatilla, said he was moved to act after hearing from local school board officials, who want more control over setting curriculum.

“School board members say to me we did not have choice … that’s what Tallahassee gave us,” explained Hays. “Frankly, they’re tired of being dictated to when it comes to curriculum. They’re tired, candidly, of being ignored when they say they want more Old Testament and less Charles Darwin.”

Who knew? Who could have known?

That is, that our 43rd president was much more than the wrong Bush sibling to become president. And much more than the “Mission Accomplished” mouthpiece of Department of Defense and vice presidential puppeteers.

George W. Bush, we now know, had an inner artist that just took a bout of post-presidential void to elicit.

“I paint a lot because, as you know, I’m a driven person,” explained the former president. “But it also allows for reflection. Imagine the state of this country if I had been driven much earlier in life to paint–and not to make my father notice me? Maybe we don’t squander a surplus. Maybe we don’t do an unfunded prescription-drug benefit. Maybe we don’t fight an unnecessary war of choice. Anyway, yeah, it was more fun to do Jay Leno than Vlad Putin.”

* Apparently Sen. Bill Nelson has been getting the word out to would-be supporters that, indeed, he won’t be a gubernatorial candidate this fall. “I have no plans and no intention to run for governor,” re-stated Nelson. “And, by the way, I really wouldn’t read too much into the book I have coming out this summer.”

* That was quite the coup pulled off recently by the Dalí Museum. From Nov. 8 through Feb. 16 it will feature an unprecedented comparison of the works of Salvador Dalí and Pablo Picasso. Record attendance is expected. A combination of visitor draw and scholarly show, the exhibition was 10 years in the making and is co-organized by the Dalí and the Museu Picasso in Barcelona.

“We tend to mythologize them today,” observed Dalí Director Hank Hine, “but they were real people who were driven by the same historical forces.

“And speaking of ‘driven,’ this show could even be more prestigious than the Grand Prix of St. Petersburg. It’s that important to the city, the area and the art world. And we’ll do it without concrete barriers, a decibels-from-hell sound track and sequestration of local businesses. Just kidding.”