Category: Sardonic Side

As we’ve seen, speculation has been ratcheting over which American woman will be chosen to grace the $10 bill in 2020. Treasury Secretary Jack Lew has been asking the public for suggestions. Currently, female representation is limited to Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea on those rarely-used, dollar-coin keepsakes.

But there’s another issue: Why the $10 bill? It features Alexander Hamilton, who founded this country’s first major bank, became the nation’s first treasury secretary and is synonymous with foundational contributions to the U.S. economy. For what it’s worth, former Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke finds the “demotion” of Hamilton “appalling.”

Others, including Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, D-NH, have favored the $20 bill, which would replace former President Andrew Jackson, who does have that off-putting association with ethnic cleansing and the Indian Removal Act.

I say, for sheer optics, let’s also look at the $100 bill, the one with Ben Franklin.

If you’re going to remove any of the seven portraits, why jettison the handsome, debonair, jaunty Hamilton–and keep the chubby, ill-coiffed, foppish Franklin?

Iowa Republicans have dropped plans to hold the presidential-candidate straw poll scheduled for early August. It had been a pre-caucus staple since 1979.

According to State GOP Chairman Jeff Kaufmann, GOP candidates had been indicating that they were feeling unnecessary pressure to participate. “You spend more time gaming your own candidates rather than worrying about Hillary Clinton,” he explained. “That’s not how a first-in-the-nation state acts. A first-in-the-nation has to roll out the welcome mat.”

“I guess you could say we had a political epiphany,” added Kaufmann. “We’ve enjoyed outsized media coverage and influence even though we had major ethical issues with out-of-staters bused in and voters washing off their stamps and re-voting.

“Plus, we have a history of fringe, extremist candidates doing well because ours is not a very representative state. Hell, the silo majority makes Utah look diverse. Recall that Michelle Bachman won last time. Anybody remember the presidencies foreshadowed in the straw poll wins of Phil Gramm and Pat Robertson?

“Let’s face it,” acknowledged Kaufman. “Our time is up. We’ve been outed. This had been a stimulus bump for our economy, an ego trip for local Republicans and a political sideshow and farce unworthy of something so important to this country. Besides, Donald Trump would have won it this year.”

There was a lot to like in the official celebration of the Tampa Jewish Community Center’s launching of its $26 million project to reincarnate Fort Homer Hesterly Armory–vacant for 11 years–into a new, multi-purpose community center by next fall. It will be known as the Bryan Glazer Family JCC, in honor of the Tampa Bay Bucs’ co-chairman who has pledged $4 million.

The center will be inclusive. The word “community” is as operative as “Jewish.” “It’s for not just the Jewish community,” noted Glazer, “it’s everybody. …It’s going to be a fabric of this area.”

What’s not to like–except, well–that weirdly-familiar architectural rendering. Surely, it’s not meant to look like a classic HoJo’s.

Next week the Sarasota GOP will present its “2015 Statesman of the Year” award. Past recipients have included: Sean Hannity, Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. How do you top, so to speak, that? You give it to Trump a second time. Honest.

* No, it doesn’t rival the Scopes Monkey Trial in national notoriety, but Tennessee legislators are making sectarian news again. They are deeply divided over a proposal to make the Bible an official state book: Those who think it’s a good idea and those who think it’s a great idea.

* Retired Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his 88th birthday recently by having a beer with some fellow Bavarians at his old summer residence.

“I like the monastery life most of the time,” acknowledged the Pope Emeritus, “but there’s nothing like Oktoberfest in April. Anything but Bud Light. Ein prosit.”

The Florida Voter Registration Application, as we know, has a “Race/Ethnicity” category. In filling out his FVRA in 2009, Jeb Bush checked “Hispanic.”

Probably news to Poppy and Barb.

This monththe Buccaneers are holding tryouts (oops, “open auditions”) for cheerleaders at the USF Sun Dome.

This is 2015. This is the NFL, not NOW. The league has been show-biz-that-includes-football for a long time. Let’s call it what it is. These are not “cheerleaders.” They are cheer providers.

Ever notice that when it rains, and not necessarily to a stormy degree, Bayshore Boulevard floods. Of course, that’s a rhetorical question. And in short order it’s a de facto no-wake zone. For some reason, drivers seemingly don’t see what the rest of us see. They plow through, spraying and splashing, as if it were postcard-perfect weather and they’re late for a hot date. It’s beyond inexplicable negligence and stupidity for themselves, their passengers, their vehicles and other drivers.

I have a theory. Given that every other vehicle on the road these days is an SUV and many others are pickups atop monster-truck tires, it might be an above-it-all sense of invincibility. As well as negligent and stupid.

Here’s some unsolicited advice for political handlers. Don’t use photos of your candidate with his or her arms crossed in front. Unless, of course, you think looking like a self-satisfied, if not smug, real estate agent is the desired image.

Just asking. Anybody impressed or button-bustin’ proud that the Tampa Bay area–thanks to a regional eating competition at the recent Strawberry Festival–is now linked directly to the nationally-televised, July 4th Nathan’s Famous Hotdog Eating World Championship from Coney Island? Didn’t think so. Belch.