Category: Sardonic Side

More on music: Among the accusations of Human Rights Watch are reports of detainee mistreatment at a United States-run, secret prison near Kabul, Afghanistan. According to HRW, some prisoners were tortured by being made to listen to Eminem and Dr. Dre for 20 straight days. Presumably, it was really, really loud, too.

Kind of puts it in perspective next time your ears are assaulted by road rap. Only you can’t call HRW.

Just when you think you’ve seen – and heard – it all at City Council meetings, doesn’t that activist cut-up Tony Daniel go and top himself again.

The other day Daniel laced one of his routine rants with a bunch of obscenities aimed at City Councilwoman Mary Alvarez, who wasn’t even there. (The obscenities were bleeped out on TV replays.)

He also did a drive-by railing of Councilman John Dingfelder, who had referred to the Tampa Museum of Art fiasco as a “black eye” for the city. As if Tampa could easily be perceived as not having its “city of the arts” act together. As if the interminable site-selection process didn’t reflect well on anyone in Tampa officialdom.

As if Daniel had a clue.

In an episode that gives non sequitur a bad name, he called out Dingfelder for using a term (“black eye”) with racial connotations. Really. For the record, Dingfelder exasperatingly denied such was the case.

It’s beyond woeful ignorance and political correctness that the term “black eye” needs to be explained. It’s a good thing Dingfelder didn’t accuse the city of being niggardly with its arts-related financial support.

A police officer was finally called to escort Daniel out of the chambers.

But Daniel could have even more “racially insensitive” material to erupt over. Council members have asked City Attorney David Smith to find a way to keep Daniel’s disruptive, insufferably boorish, occasionally obscene butt away.

If successful, Daniel would be, well, black-balled.

In which case, have at it, Tony.

Once again the city of Tampa is on the hunt for a civic-pride slogan. It can be a fun, prideful exercise. Or, in the long, sardonic wake of the “America’s Next Great City” moniker, a mordant one.

Some more entries:

“Tampa: America’s Next Straight City,” “Tampa: ‘Sick Transit Gloria,'” “Tampa: We Got Your Stormwater,” “Tampa: Intelligent Design At Work” and “Tampa: A River Really Runs Through It.”

When you’re a baby boomer and the music of your formative Philadelphia years was a continuous loop of Elvis, Jerry Lee, Fats, Little Richard and tons of Doo-Wop, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame evokes a special time. Not what Canton, Ohio or Cooperstown, NY are to football and baseball fans, but close enough.

When it opened in Cleveland in 1995, Little Richard cut the ceremonial ribbon. Chuck Berry and Bruce Springsteen performed.

Now, 10 years later a new group of inductees includes rap pioneers Grand Master Flash & the Furious Five.

Say it ain’t so.

Heavy metal noisemaker Black Sabbath and the punk-rocking Sex Pistols are (nominee) reaches enough. But at least carrying a tune and playing musical instruments were not incompatible with their acts.

But oxymoronic rap artists?

Would Canton take Ryan Leaf?

Would Cooperstown take Wilson Alvarez?

Survey USA – in partnership with the Tampa Tribune and WFLA News Channel 8 – recently released details of a survey that said three out of four Floridians agree that it was OK to spank a child. Interestingly, nearly as many (70 per cent) said it was not OK for a teacher to do the spanking.

A query not posed: “Is it OK to impose on a school a child who needs spanking — but obviously doesn’t get it at home?”

Oh, that first week of school. We’ve all been there, in one capacity or another. It’s an institutional rite of passage where shear enthusiasm and anticipation ultimately trump uncertainty and anxiety — and the de facto end of summer.

But those first few days can be confusing for many, chaotic for a few. Logistics that go wrong. Stuff that isn’t ready. New students, new teachers, new rules, old habits.

Hillsborough High would have settled for all that – and more — a fortnight ago.

The first day featured a 15-year-old who brought a .38 caliber handgun to school. Apparently needed protection from some toughs he had tangled with the previous day. Fortunately, no one was hurt. He now awaits arraignment and a criminal justice no-choice plan.

Day two was weapon-less — but more physical. A mother and her 16-year-old son shared felony charges. The lad, all 265 pounds of him, “body checked” the school resource officer, and his mom jumped on the officer’s back and began punching him. That occurred as they were being escorted off campus. The upshot: apparently he was supposed to go to Middleton.

After leave-no-felon-behind week, it’s now back to business as usual: school bus roulette and the FCAT countdown.

As it turns out, the new president-elect of Iran was not part of the notorious element who took American Embassy hostages in 1979. U.S. government officials now say they have turned up no evidence to support the claim that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was among the Americans’ captors.

Apparently Ahmadinejad’s involvement was limited to merely being a leader of the student movement that organized the embassy attack and the taking of the hostages.

Oh.

Other than that, he had absolutely nothing to do with the outrage against American citizens.

In fact, he no longer references any of it on his resume.

The Supreme Court recently ruled that those who followed their doctors’ recommendations to smoke marijuana to ease serious, chronic pain can be prosecuted for violating federal drug laws.

One question: What were THEY smoking?

*As a rule, I don’t do sequels. “The Longest Yard,” no matter who scripted the plays (Jon Gruden), will not be an exception. Adam Sandler in the role made famous by Burt Reynolds? Is nothing sacred? Madonna as Mrs. Robinson? Tom Arnold as Citizen Kane? Eminem as Spartacus? Danny DeVito as Cool Hand Luke?

*Ann Bancroft, RIP. Coo, coo, ca-choo, can it really be that she was only 35 – thirty five – when she was the iconically seductive “older woman,” Mrs. Robinson? Wouldn’t that be the age of a Gen Xer today? A member of the cast of “Friends?” Or qualify one for the Greater Tampa Chamber of Commerce’s youthful subgroup, Emerge?

*Why is this so problematic? The proper response to “Thank you” is not “No problem.” It is “You’re welcome.” Thank you.

*If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. (Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)

*For once, I’d like, in a perverse kind of way, to hear this from the cell-phone user next to me in a movie queue, supermarket line or on an adjacent stationary bike at the health club: “Just stabilize the patient; I’ll be right there.”

Instead of: “Hey-what’s-up-I’m-like-you-know-oh-my-God-like-you know

Statistics show that as gas prices soared in the U.S. last year, sales of hybrid cars climbed by 81 percent — to some 83,000 vehicles. But imagine the increase if manufacturers would discontinue making them butt-ugly.