Category: Sardonic Side

Call me old-fashioned, old-school or just old, but can we take Halloween back?

As in back from parents who sign off on their kids’ cultural-slut-du-jour costumes and older teenagers sans costumes slouching in late for some free stuff.

And didn’t Guavaween used to put a premium on clever and irreverent, as well as outrageous? The last one I saw had turned trite and trampy. Every other costumed reveler was a flasher or a French maid. And then there were those who came dressed as perimeter-cruising street punks.

Halloween night is about young kids indulging in fun, young-kid fantasies. And, frankly, those are the ones who got the good stuff at our house. That’s right; not everybody gets the Snickers.

They can put a man on the moon, but why can’t they

It was one of those details buried in an Associated Press story. It was about Ralph Gonzalez, a Florida political consultant, who recently died in Orlando. The AP account noted that Gonzalez had earned his master’s degree in campaign management at the University of Florida.

An MA in campaign management? Who knew such graduate degrees were even available? Is there a Ph.D. program in fundraising?

As we know, living in a certain zip code or just living to a certain age goes a long way in determining how much unsolicited mail we get.

Right now our household is in the lifestyle magazine mode. Can’t get enough peeks at where the affluent reside, how they decorate, what they wear and where they go to show off their botox injections.

And with gambling increasingly in the news, we’re on the receiving end of seductive inducements — 4 Free Nights* (but read the fine print) — to visit emporiums such as the Wyndham Nassau Resort & Crystal Palace Casino. And, frankly, 4-color photos depicting the “Hawaiian Tropic vs. Flirt Girls Models Challenge” weren’t without merit.

So, it could be worse. Like last month’s intimations-of-mortality theme.

Nothing like making the assisted living facilities demographic list.

New addictions: tanning, video games. Old excuses: poor choices, awful time management.

New York Times columnist David Brooks on the phenomenon of sperm-banking and those who DNA-shop the web sites: “Shoppers can use these sites and select much better genetic material than would be possessed by someone they could realistically lure into bed.”

Lighten up, America. It’s a prank. And a fairly funny one at that.

The U.S. Supreme Court is now considering the merits of Morse vs. Frederick. Deborah Morse is a high-school principal who contends that a student’s 14-foot banner proclaiming “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” was an unacceptable pro-drug message. She suspended its creator, Joseph Frederick. He sued, saying his free-speech rights were violated.

A decision isn’t expected until July, but the Court may be well advised to give more than lip service to the argument of Justice David Souter, who said: “It sounds like just a kid’s provocative statement to me.”

Indeed. Too bad common sense and a heart-to-heart chat between principal and student didn’t trump the trivializing of the First Amendment.

But the principal says Frederick’s drug message crossed the line. But a non-obscene, less-than-inciting, goof-on-the-establishment sign? That’s not even one toke over the line.

So, what’s up with Michael Jackson visiting U.S troops at an Army base near Tokyo? What message was that supposed to send?

A reminder of what some Americans do with the freedoms our troops are fighting to preserve?

A reminder that just because they’re not in Iraq or Afghanistan, these troops haven’t totally skated?

On the same day last week, these two events happened:

*In Eilat, Israel, a Palestinian suicide bomber killed himself and three Israelis at a bakery.

*In London, Sinn Fein, the political arm of the pro-Catholic Irish Republican Army, voted overwhelmingly to cooperate with the predominantly Protestant police of Northern Ireland.

Of course, the geo-political issues – however grounded in sectarian strife – are different. As different as the Middle East and the United Kingdom.

But, still, a terrorist is a terrorist when it comes to innocent lives lost, whether by intent or as collateral damage.

And yet, no IRA member would ever make the case for videoed beheadings, much less the argument that Paradise would be the guaranteed — let alone appropriate — reward for a suicide bomber who actually targets the innocent. Whatever the temporal grievance.

Perhaps the IRA, in its heart of hearts, just doesn’t like the violent, self-determination niche anymore. The evil-doers have ruined it.

To those accustomed to dropping by the O’Neills on Gasparilla Day, the answer is “Yes.” The same disincentives will be extended to those who deign to use private property as ad hoc port-a-lets. That means the return of the “Upstairs Tangerine Toss,” which is aimed at those who don’t much care where they’re aiming.