Category: Sardonic Side

I don’t think I’m thin-skinned or sans a sense-of-humor, but the Daily Show should have its satire license revoked for that cheap shot on Tampa. To recap: the parody target was Republican religious righteousness and the “coveted God endorsement.” Fair game, for sure.

That led host Jon Stewart to wonder whether God would actually be in Tampa for the August Convention. Incredulous faux correspondent Wyatt Cenac replied: “Have you been to Tampa ? That place is a s—hole.”

Yo.

Maybe it’s naive to call out comedians for confusing vulgarity with wit, and maybe it’s unsophisticated to criticize those doing anything for a cheap laugh. What the yuck; so be it.

But it’s a good thing this Republican Convention isn’t going to one of those cities more typically on the rotation. I’ve been to a few. You wanna talk municipal sphincters?

For GOP’s sake, see what you started?

Some things I’ll never get, and I’m more or less reconciled to the reality.  Off the top: Tea Partiers. Rap music. Sarah Palin. The Inca Apocalypse. Backwards baseball caps, especially when it’s sunny. The NRA. Virtual schools. Sushi. Hunting for “sport.” Ubiquitous cell phoneys. The NBA. Real-world libertarians. Muddled East “martyrs.” Un-short shorts. North Korea. All things Kardashian.

Now add this: air races. I was reminded with a recent headline: “Air Race Safety Scrutinized.” Makes sense, to be sure, for the National Transportation Safety Board to be holding hearings into their safety–in the wake of last September’s accident that killed 11 and seriously injured 70 in Reno, Nev.

Then I thought: “Scrutinized”? Shouldn’t that headline have been: “Air Races Canceled Forever”?

Demolition derbies never seemed so quaintly pedestrian.

There had to be at least a few arched brows over the selection of Jerry Springer as honorary grand marshal of this year’s Krewe of the Knights of Sant’Yago parade, which typically draws more than 100,000 spectators to Ybor City. Perhaps Casey Anthony declined. The parade, which features illuminated floats, marching bands, and beads-to-dive-for, will be held Feb. 18.

By now we’re familiar with Gov. Rick Scott’s “workday” gimmicks. They’re more than a political cliché. They’re all part of a blatantly contrived plan to overhaul his image as the state’s most despised politician and the country’s most unpopular governor. Well, a Tampa donut shop and a Panama City Beach restaurant are one thing. PR is PR. The publicity can be symbiotic.

But what was with his recent “workday” at the Port of Miami? Before boarding Carnival Cruise Line’s Carnival Imagination to take a spin as a DJ, he acted as a greeter for passengers heading out for a three-day cruise to the Bahamas.

Rick Scott as a greeter? The most reviled man in Florida not named Oba Chandler or Dontae Morris is working as your greeter? And you’re in the leisure and image business? Does Carnival have media-relations people on loan from Tiger Woods and Herman Cain?

What’s next? A workday at a Solantic clinic?

The subplots keep coming in Greece’s debt-relief turmoil. Now a new “unity” government. And soon a new prime minister. That proposed referendum is so yesterday. Speaking of, that act of democracy in action, had it not been a thinly-veiled leverage ruse, would likely have produced the same kind of result as the “No Tax for Tracks” crowd got here. The narrowly self-interested win another pyrrhic victory.

Put it this way: The Greeks need a paradigm shift for the economic ages. They need to be told: No, you can’t retire at 29, and, no, you can’t have an 18-hour work week.

It’s never a good sign when the country has less credibility than the musical.

According to her probation officer, Casey Anthony remains unemployed. No surprise that, but isn’t there an obvious Plan B? How about having Jose Baez hire her for testimonials?  “If he could get me off, imagine what he could do for you?”

* Given all the constitutional cheap shots aimed at President Obama by contentious tea partiers, it’s enough to tempt one to set the bar unconscionably low for some semblance of common-ground agreement on the Constitution. To that diffident end, how about “insure domestic tranquility“? Anyone else settle for that right now?

* Because we are increasingly the Gunshine state, it’s never a bad idea to re-read the Second Amendment for high-caliber, contextual clues. “A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”

If this were only about the right to pack serious heat, why bother referencing the militia, unless, of course, that were the only context relevant to a Congress convening in the 18th century?

The Founding Fathers could hardly envision semi-automatic-weapons sales in the name of their Second Amendment, let alone the need to protect the people from a Second Amendment- worshipping gun lobby.

*As downright disturbing as live audience reactions at recent Republican presidential debates have been, the networks need to be held accountable as enablers. That hasn’t been Fox pandering and partnering up with the flambeau-and-pitchfork crowd these last few weeks. It’s been MSNBC and CNN. They sold commercial time and they wanted ratings for their made-for-TV political reality shows.

It wasn’t, for example, luck of the draw that Jon Huntsman and Rick Santorum were banished to the symbolic fringes of the eight-candidate line-up or that Mitt Romney and Rick Perry were side-by side as staged centerpieces. And it wasn’t happenstance that both Brian Williams and Wolf Blitzer came out of the blocks looking to feature thrust-and-Perry. They simply applied the principle of all cable television talk shows: conflict sells. The result: incensing, deplorably good TV, replete with gotcha lines and some rhetorical red meat for those in attendance seemingly channeling a Jerry Springer crowd.

Any wonder both Williams and Blitzer skipped over the proscription about members of a debate audience behaving themselves and refraining from audible partisan responses?  Such as enthusiastic applause and approval shout-outs on subjects like Texas executions and the theoretically intentional death of an uninsured patient.

I miss Howard K. Smith.

* When those other two American hikers are finally released by the Iranian government, maybe we can put part of the focus back where it belongs. Why exactly would anyone want to hike so close to the Iraq-Iran border as to invite (presumably inadvertent) incursion? If you want the ultimate hike, or thrill or blog or whatever, don’t be so stupidly cavalier as to risk putting your country into a geopolitical bind because you technically violated the sovereignty of a nation, especially one with priorities inimical to those of the United States. You can bet that behind closed doors, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was not
pleased about any perceived leverage accorded the Iranian regime because of this eminently avoidable incident.

* We all know people these days who don’t get a daily newspaper but stay informed, they remind us, via the internet. If so, they apparently are the exception, not the rule. Nielsen just released data showing that 2.6 percent of Web use goes to current events and global news. Social networks, blogs and porn dominate. Then classifieds, auctions, online games and e-mail. Then news and current events.

* Regardless of what the National Transportation Safety Board finds regarding that tragic air-race plane crash in Reno that killed at least 11, this much should be certain: No more airplane races. That should be the last time such an event–where aircraft going 500-plus mph come within a couple hundred feet of spectators–is ever held. The running of the Pamplona bulls never looked so quaintly sensible.

* Before there were Thurgood Marshall and Sandra Day O’Connor, there were those wondering when the Supreme Court would finally get around to diversifying. Now we have an African-American justice, Clarence Thomas, bemoaning the lack of geographic diversity. A majority of the justices have strong ties to Boston, New York and New Jersey. Justice Thomas says the Court should reflect “the fact that this is a big country, not just the Northeast.”

He makes a valid point. And in so doing, he reminds us of the progress that has been made–to the degree that we now take race and gender for granted on the U.S. Supreme Court.

* For those of us who grew up among Cold Warriors and the inscrutable menace that was the Red China of Mao Tse-Tung, this seems like unfathomable stuff.  According to the McKinsey and Co. management consulting firm, by 2015 China will account for 20 percent of all worldwide luxury sales. From Mao jackets to Hermes handbags in two generations.

* This just in: Shock jock Bubba the Love Sponge Clem has filed for divorce from his wife Heather Clem. According to reports, the pair has an agreement not to disparage each other in public. Not noted in reports: How disparaging to anticipate the need for such an agreement.

* Don’t get me wrong. I love Doonesbury. We’re on the same side of the spectrum. And yes, political diva Sarah Palin deserves her skewering. But, yes, Gary Trudeau does belong on the editorial page. In fact, Doonesbury has an exclusive first serial arrangement with Joe McGinniss, the author of the soon-to-be-released The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin. So, no, Doonesbury doesn’t belong on the same page as Marmaduke, Family Circus, Dennis the Menace and Bizarro (another favorite). It just doesn’t.

* Sometimes in the midst of news too often dominated by unemployment, panhandlers, foreclosures and declining property values, we can easily forget that there’s a lot more going on downtown than hand-wringing and crepe-hanging. To wit:

^The Florida Aquarium’s $15-million expansion plans; the St. Pete Times Forum’s $40-million facelift; the re-debut of the Floridan; the sold-out Towers of Channelside; the ongoing, on-schedule construction of Encore and USF’s downtown CAMLS project; the recently built, 120-unit Metro 510 apartments; the continued infilling of the signature Riverwalk

^The expected groundbreaking by year’s end of Crescent Resources’ 370-unit apartment complex on Bayshore Boulevard at Platt Street; the Southgate project, Trammel Crow’s proposed 20-story office building and upscale hotel near CAMLS; the deep-pocketed Brownstone Tampa Partners’ purchase of the erstwhile Trump Tower site for mixed-use scenarios; and the proactivity shown by the city in putting out RFP’s for entrepreneurs to develop the Water Works Building into a waterfront restaurant.

^In addition, as we well know, downtown has added restaurants, museums and a bona fide “gathering place.”

^Tampa is only two years removed from its fourth Super Bowl and is now less than a year away from hosting the GOP convention. The latter will be worth a nine-figure economic impact during the off-season. It also means the sort of national and international exposure no chamber of commerce could ever afford.

^And, yes, it’s nice to know that next spring we can fly non-stop to Zurich out of TIA.

Anyone else think this?

* How unsettling–no, disgusting–that at the GOP presidential debate in California loud applause broke out when it was noted that more than 200 inmates have been executed on the watch of Texas Gov. Rick Perry

* The economy remains fair–as well as unfair–game when it comes to the juxtapositioning of Republican presidential candidates and what’s being proposed by the White House. But isn’t it ironic, if not obscenely presumptuous, for Republican presidential candidates to take on the president, a former professor of constitutional law, over “constitutional issues” and related founding-fodder matters?

* Isn’t it time we re-arranged the furniture for presidential addresses to joint sessions of Congress? It’s not fair to the president, nor to the presidential message, that viewers’ attention is not solely focused on the president. Not when Joe Biden and John Boehner–and accompanying body language–share the
frame. It’s like periodically yielding to the temptation to check out a game score on your favorite fine-dining restaurant’s bar-side flat screen.

Do we really need to have the vice president and the speaker of the house–especially when they’re from different parties–as part of the presidential backdrop? Whether it’s Dick Cheney or Joe Biden; Nancy Pelosi or John Boehner. Let alone in an era when bitter partisanship and unseemly histrionics now define our politics. De facto props behind the president, whether it’s George W. Bush or Barack H. Obama, are inevitably distracting and potentially disrespectful.

And we could probably do without those show-bizzy, network TV reaction shots of Congress. The ones that show politicians standing and applauding or sitting and smirking. The ones that highlight cheerleaders as well as churls.

* We hear so much about opaque PACs and cheap-shot attack ads, but we’re pretty much resigned to their skewing role in the political process. But couldn’t we just settle for eliminating the use of children in political ads? By definition, they pander and they exploit. And that includes the full-page, color ad currently running in both local dailies showing a sobbing little girl in pigtails wearing a “Trillions in Debt” T-shirt. It’s paid for by the Heritage Foundation.

OK, it’s not as viscerally disturbing as the “Daisy girl,” anti-Goldwater ad of 1964, but it’s shamelessly exploitative and doesn’t, of course, traffic in a nuanced American Dream that involves reasonable revenue raising. And as all political consultants know, that infamously controversial Lyndon B. Johnson campaign ad, although it was pulled after its first run, worked.

* “Responsible drilling” in the Everglades. Isn’t that about as oxymoronic as “President Bachmann”?

* When it comes to the Tampa Bay Rays and the inherent challenge that is this market, is this not the worst possible time for St. Petersburg to have a bush league mayor? Perhaps Bill Foster has a secret plan to keep the Rays–and convince the rest of us that he’s not a fool.

* When your police chief is featured in a lead story on the national network news–twice in a fortnight–it’s probably not good. That was certainly the case recently as Chief Jane Castor went national to explain a Columbine-like plot at Freedom High School. She was back again the following week detailing that notorious fraudulent tax-return and stolen-identities case.

* Maybe Gov. Rick Scott, who needs more than a donut shop “work day” and a kinder, gentler official photo to ingratiate himself around here, will see some
political opportunity in the higher ed soap opera now playing out over USF Polytechnic in Lakeland. Arguably, there couldn’t be a worse time for an independent “Florida Polytechnic.” That’s what the driving force behind the break-away bid, powerful Senate budget chairman J.D. Alexander of
Lake Wales, wants to call it. Perhaps “Porktechnic” would be more appropriate.

At any rate, the governor would be well served to apply his pro-thrift, anti-government growth mantra to thwart this ill-advised move. Sharing USF system resources is a major bottom-line consideration. As if Florida can afford adding a 12th state university right now.

There’s also concern over the loss of the ever-expanding USF brand name. Just ask students what they think of a de facto Alexander Tech diploma.

Ostensibly, Scott is no longer the parallel universe non-politician tethered to an ideology, a tea party, the Koch Brothers and libertarian think tanks. At least that’s the image he and Chief of Change Steve MacNamara want to convey. They’ve been in makeover mode since his approval ratings tanked to embarrassing depths, and the GOP establishment saw the implications for the 2012 election.

The epicenter of the critically-important I-4 corridor is Tampa. As the corridor goes, so goes Florida. As Florida goes, so goes the GOP presidential candidate’s chances. Having a vitriol magnet for governor, one who has already adversely impacted Tampa, cannot go unaddressed by the Republican Party.

Scott doesn’t get a mulligan for his arrogance and his ideological screw ups, including high speed rail, but this could at least mitigate matters around here. That may have pragmatic political appeal, let alone the allure of doing the right thing for USF, Poly students and the Florida budget.

Plus, Alexander will be term-limited out of the Florida Senate next year.

* The Tampa streetcar, for all of its financial issues–including extortionate CSX overhead and a rapidly eroding endowment–is at its core an economic development tool, not a commuter transit alternative. It has helped market Channelside, attract conventions and accommodate tourists heading to Ybor. And, yes, Tampa’s historic streetcar should also be a starter set for light rail, but that remains, as we well know, grist for a separate conversational mill.

* Sometimes City Council member Mary Mulhern sounds like she’s still addressing the Creative Loafing crowd. Her rationale for not supporting any kind of panhandling ban: “I cannot vote to make something illegal based on the image. I just can’t do it.” Noble but simplistic and disingenuous.  By definition, panhandling, newspaper hawking and charity soliciting at high-traffic intersections is a public safety issue before it is anything else. I’ll take the word of TPD–and common sense–on this one.

* Former Mayor Pam Iorio’s book: “Straightforward, Ways To Live and Lead,” should be out in November. As a title, couldn’t “Straightforward” use some
tinkering? Wouldn’t, for example, “Straightforward, Ways To Live and Lead: Part I” be–hopefully–more accurate? Unless, of course, Iorio, 52, plans to stay with her incipient career as a motivational speaker.

* The mistrial in that machete-murder case, where two psychologists declared the “hearing voices in his head” defendant incompetent, seemed to beg a certain obvious–if unfair–question. Did one of those voices possibly say: “Stay with the ‘hearing voices’ strategy. It’s working”?

* A logical response to Monday’s Tampa Tribune front-page tease that heralded: “Janet Jackson to sing only chart toppers at Straz” would be: Name one.

A headline-grabbing, Associated Press-GfK poll recently noted that 87 percent of those polled disapproved of Congress’ performance. This was up from 79 percent in June — or before the debt-crisis debacle.

But the AP-GfK poll does beg another question?

Who the hell are those 13 percent who still approve of what they’ve been seeing out of Congress?