This may sound–ultimately–harsh. Well, it’s meant to.
By now, the story is as frustratingly familiar as it is egregiously tragic. Another child abused and ultimately left lifeless. Only the names change in these tales of deadly dysfunction. Recall 3-month-old Emanuel Wesley Murray, who died when thrown from a moving car on I-275. The name now making horrific headlines is that of 13-month-old Ezekiel Mathis, who was beaten to death.
Knee-jerk anguish and outrage ensue at the “system.” Hands are unwrung so fingers can point.
What sort of child protection system enables, in effect, such abominable acts? This is beyond slipping through bureaucratic cracks. This is beyond generic incompetence. Surely, one of those offices–such as sheriff’s or attorney general’s–could have done something. Surely, social workers or somebody from the Department of Children and Families could have done something. Like their jobs. Surely.
The disturbing signs were more than manifest. This isn’t about logistics or paperwork or quotas. This is about literal lives. Rescued from harm’s way or relegated to harm’s way. As if that were a choice.
And yet.
No agency or office is a parent. At best they’re not even good surrogates. They are part of an eminently imperfect safety net with a charge to salvage what they can. It speaks volumes that they’re so necessary.
The ultimate fault for such affronts to humanity and civilization lies typically with young mothers and their drive-by boyfriends. It’s one thing to put one’s own well being at risk by the choices one makes. (And that, of course, is its own well-studied, victimization syndrome and subject for another discussion.) It’s altogether different when the critical factor is who is allowed into a home where there are young children. This is beyond a bad decision. This is beyond a troubled past. This is beyond a hookup. This is beyond the pale.
And this is inexcusable, unconscionable behavior.
Regardless of gaps in our child protection system, let’s focus the blame where it belongs. Somebody murdered a defenseless child. Somebody else was, in effect, an accomplice. This is a crime against nature–as well as society.
Frankly–and frightfully–there are plenty of examples elsewhere in the animal kingdom of proper “parenting.” It’s called instinct. So, who are these people? Unmarried mothers and their predator boyfriends. They are de facto poster women for sterilization and Neanderthal murderers. They are responsible. They did the killing.
I told you it was harsh.
i so agree with this article i am a 24 year old single mother of a 2 year old. i see it everyday even within my own family. i do not date anyone in fear of putting my child in danger. i do not know why it is so impossible for these mothers to just stay single and focus on raising their children, they are more concerned about their needs and the children are the ones who suffer. a mother is supposed to protect their children but bringing some stranger around a new one every 6 months just because your lonely is not protecting your children. they need to realize the actions thaey take now will follow them for the rest of their lives. quit confusing your children and put all your love and energy into raising them.
Joe, as unfortunate as these truths are thank you for putting it in print!! I am so disgusted by hearing blame tossed out toward agencies and schools in those situations when it’s not! Thank you in a million ways for this pleasurable reading. I think it’s time we lessen the bad people and kids in the breaking news media and place a higher focus on those who do well in school or parents who have accomplished “good “. We focus on the bad and highlight them so they are, in a sense, famed for their bad behavior! I know this will not happen anytime soon or ever, but there should be a greater segment of the media focused on good and I still carry hope that there is more good to report than bad in the world!.
Dear Mr. O’Neill:
I read the above-named article with interest, and I compliment you that it was very well written and very pertinent in this day. However, when you say that no agency killed this child, I have to disagree with you. An agency did kill this child. The same one that helped create that child. Welfare, which was formerly named Aid for Dependent Children. This agency was formed originally to assist the widow who never worked support her dependent children. Now it is a green light for any young woman to have a baby to get an apartment all paid for, food stamps, free utilities, free child care, and money on top of it all. You don’t have to be a widow, hell, you don’t even have to know who fathered your child. And if you need more money, just have another one!
When we stop rewarding irresponsible women for having children, we will stop seeing these heartbreaking stories. Every child deserves to be loved and wanted, cuddled and adored, not to be concieved as a source of income and certainly not to be handed over to the latest boyfriend to take out his anger.
Sincerly,
Frances Hill
to frances hill i also agree with you on your comment, i disagree with the welfare system giving moms who do not work and have five kids by five different men a free ride. i work hard for what i have but last year when i lost hours at work and wasnt able to afford groceries i went to the state to see if i could get some assistance and they said i made too much even though i could barely pay my bills. meanwhile my ex sister in law who has never had a job and has a new boyfriend every 6 months and 3 kids gets cash assistance and foodstamps and has friends file them on their taxes just so she can get a free $3000 at the beginning of the year and the kids suffer. it is absolutely disgusting they need to make these girls work or take their kids plain and simple.