Word has it that in an effort to further impress the world’s wealthiest man, President Trump decided to include himself among those following DOGE directions to list what they did last week. He even added some. Here’s Trump’s recent attempt to show some populist empathy while joining the DOGE & pony show.
1—Bullied Zelenskyy and berated Trudeau; we’ve helped those losers enough.
2—Checked in with my Moscow mentor; golden-showers never came up.
3—Binge-watched “Naked and Afraid” and re-runs of “The Apprentice.”
4—Issued an executive order declaring Jan. 6 Patriots’ Day.
5—Aced another cognition test. I like true-false.
6—Trump bibles, steaks, coins not enough. Signed off on a new deal: Trump Depends.
7—Relaxed in my Agent Orange tanning bed and farted away.
8—Worked on my handwriting. It has the right celebrity arrogance, but looks too much like my EKG.
9—Reread some passages from “Art of the Deal.” A reminder that it helps to have a real writer write your book.
10–Called Melania. Left message.