* Damage control has been officially invoked by Florida State University in its embarrassing, faux-search for a new president. Too many people who care were not going to stand by and let politically powerful state Sen. John Thrasher get the job by competition-free acclamation.
So a FSU search committee–with a new search consultant–has restarted the process and set a goal of recommending a president by late September.
“Our objective is to have more than one finalist,” said Presidential Search Advisory Committee Chairman Ed Burr. “In fact, I’m pleased to announce that we have already reached that goal, as both Burt Reynolds and Bobby Bowden have agreed to apply. We’re still waiting to hear from Deion Sanders and Charles Koch.”
* Can you believe it? Chubby Checker is not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame! It’s true. It’s also an outrage–and not just because I’m a fellow Philly guy who even remembers when Chubby was pre-Twist Ernie Evans of South Philadelphia. But the guy who is synonymous with an iconic dance craze is not in the HOF? Yo. In fact, YO!!
As it turns out, Chubby hasn’t been taking it well either.
“It’s mind-boggling,” he now says. “People tell me I’m an icon. I still do gigs all over the world. I don’t want to be inducted posthumously.
“I think it’s a conspiracy,” he adds. “Maybe it’s because I covered Hank Ballard’s version of The Twist. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t original enough in my stage name. There’s Fats Domino, of course. Well, I was ‘Chubby Checker.’ Maybe ‘Pudgy Parcheesi’ would have worked out better.
“But here’s the bottom line: I was a change-agent in American society. A cultural phenomenon who is still performing. I’m not in the HOF, but the Beastie Boys, the Sex Pistols and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are?”
* Now that anti-government, doomsday prepper Martin Winters has turned himself in, he’s turned into less than an apocalyptic icon. Rather than remain on the loose, setting up booby traps and stashing weapons for a Book of Revelations last stand, Winters surrendered for dry shoes, cheeseburgers, fries, Gatorade and a reunion with his grandchildren.
“I want to set the record straight about what I believe in,” Winters said in his first media availability this week. “Sure, I have some weapons and some like-minded buddies, but I’m really armed with an ideology. I’m no more dangerous than Ted Nugent. And the River Otter Preppers? You might be surprised to know it’s actually a country and western band the fellas and I formed a number of years back.
“Hell, it might come in handy,” he added, “if we can get our own reality show. Duck Dynasty, move over. Maybe we can call it Winters’ Tale.“